The Honky Tonk From Hell
Words & Music: Pat Drummond

A dead flat tyre in the middle of the night
Out on the desert in the pale moonlight
No spare; stuck there; sittin by the side of the road
Hopin for a ride; nobody came bye
when all of a sudden to my surprise
A light came on bout a half a mile up the road
And I heard the sound of country music
crying on the wind
A bar in the middle of nowhere;
A sign saying "Come on In!"

Chorus:
Never seen such pickin' and a grinnin', Never had me a time so swell.
As the night that I spent drinking, in the Honky Tonk from Hell
Never seen such humpin' and a pumpin' Never had me a time so swell
As a night with the whole joint jumpin' in the Honky Tonk from Hell.

There was Old Nick pickin' on a Six String Gibson
Drinking Redeye and licking his lips 'n' laying bets in big ol' Stetson
playing that five card stud
Waylon and a Willie dancing on the 'tele'
Fellas making Whoopee with the pretty little Fillies
Alabama Slammers 'n' old re-runs of "Hud"
Well the Bourkenback Boys were kicking up a noise and Lord it was hell of a din
And when Gary did the tickle in the section in the middle
Well the whole damned bar joined in

(Instrumental)

Never seen such pickin' and a grinnin' Never had me a time so swell
As the night that I spent drinking in the Honky Tonk from Hell.

Then a voice said "Son you better come along, you dont belong in here!"
To my surprise before my eyes, an angel of the Lord appeared
She was sipping Cutty Sark; listening to Bach
floating in the stratosphere
I said "Why would I want to go up there to heaven, when all of my friends are here?"
Then the music died; I was back outside
The noon sun blazing in the back of my eyes
I saw that truck coming over the rise and I quickly flagged it down
I turned my back on the old ghost shack
With windows blacked with the burlap sacks
Climbed in the cab and 'skedaddled' on back to town.

Now I left my wife, devoted my life, to beer and booze and sin
When folks asked why, I tell them "I'm makin' sure that I get back in!"

Never seen such pickin' and a grinnin'
Never had me a time so swell
As the night that I spent drinking
In the Honky Tonk From Hell
Never seen such humpin' and a pumpin'
Never had me a time so swell
As the night with the whole join jumpin'
In the Honky Tonk From Hell
Never seen such hoppin' and a poppin'
Never had me a time so swell
As the night that I spent boppin'
In the Honky Tonk From Hell.